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need motivation...

Gained back what I lost... Was doing so0o good & felt better while I was at it. Was eating apples & bananas, drinking brewed Lipton tea & popping Alcachofa pills [[appetite suppressant]] it seem to work. The weight loss was noticeable & loved it even though it was only 10 lbs in a week. Who knows it could have been water? Still felt awesome though less butter in muh belly :) Why is it that each time I get into a "fuck the world[[depression]]" attitude I end up wolfing down everything in the kitchen. Can't purge since I been caught once & the walls are to thin [[work is a different story]]. I want my motivation back. How can I get it back? I know it has to come from ourselves, but how? am lost :\
I want to be skinny so I can...
*fit into cute clothes w/o worry about a jelly roll popping out
*have natural energy
*be fit
*be like wow i have boobs lmao
*be able to smile w/ out my fat getting in the way
*see my neck & say bye bye to my double chin
am basically tired of being referred as the fat chick :(

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